Meet Big Bertha

Meet my newest girl - Big Bertha journal!!

She is 8"x8" - I made her myself thanks to the wonderful instruction of my darling daughter Karly :)  Big Bertha is my first handbound book and I loved the process.  She is filled with all kinds of found papers including discarded photocopies, pages from text books - music books - atlases and also some file folders and cut up paper shopping bags. I never quite know how those pages will accept the spray inks I've been using and that is half the fun of this book - happy surprises!!

This has become my Mandala journal and I am really enjoying the square format!  I have pics taken that need to be resized and I will post them soon along with a tutorial on how I create these backgrounds.

Here are a few pages from my Big Bertha journal -

 This next page is in progress - not completed yet

On a personal note - I am still not well these days - the process to find a medication that will help my depression and anxiety has not been easy.  I am still trying and have just started a new one - which once again is making me extremely dizzy.  I am finding that I have completely abandoned this blog and also reading all my fave blogs because the motion of my eyes going back and forth makes the dizzy worse.  So sorry to all my blog friends out there - I am hoping to get back to routine once I figure all this out.

On my good days I sit at my art desk and use my spray inks to create backgrounds for these mandalas - artistically all I can do on my dizzy days is sit quietly and draw my mandalas.  I am really thankful to have something to keep me busy :)

Anxiety Journal

Last May my daughter Karly and I took a mixed media on canvas class - it's where I learned how to alter books and where I got my first look at a chockful journal - our instructor Cathy McMillan had several of her personal journals there.  I mean there was really personal information in there and she didn't mind us looking at it - that concept just floored me.  And it gave me a real boost to start my own journal.  I had never journaled consistently in my life before and I had been tossing around the idea that maybe journaling about my "issues" might help me deal with them. 

my issues are - a n x i e t y.  it can be crippling at times and most times it's completely irrational but it always feels beyond my control.  it had gotten so out of hand that I recognised that I was missing out on things because of my wild wild thoughts that went from worry to just plain stupid. 

I had every good intention to journal my feelings about my anxiety so I could figure out how to conquer it - or at least quiet it a bit ;)

journaling is not easy!!!  but I did think and ponder about it a lot - mostly while sitting with my mostly blank journal in front of me.  heh.  little by little I started figuring things out.  seems the more I plan and prepare the less anxiety I feel. 

good to know!!  less easy to actually implement but it's a start. 

I was working my way through learning all new techniques with new supplies - my artistic background was pretty much strictly watercolour and now I was using liquid acrylics and gel mediums and photos and transfers and collage materials etc.  And then....the spine of my book broke.  I had not known to use a sewn signature as opposed to a glued book.

aha.  this is a good learning moment - but really disappointing because I kind of abandoned my anxiety journal.  Every time I looked at it - I got sad. 

But this past weekend I saw a journal Karly had rescued from the same fate - she cut it up and tidied up the glued ends and punched holes and used metal rings to hold it all together.

what an awesome fix for my first and very important journal.....

I also got busy and painted the cover in the style of my play page - I just love the terrific texture created by squishing the wet Gessoed covers together and pulling them apart!!

Here are a few page spreads that I had completed before the book broke. 

Not all my entries deal with anxiety - but I was having so much fun making pretty pages ;)

I have many more blank Gessoed pages to fill up with backgrounds and journaling.  After almost a year of journaling experience I feel much more confident and very excited to explore my anxieties deeper!! 

Do you have themed journals?  Care to share your thoughts?  I'd love to hear what you are thinking!

Honesty.....

      How honest are you in your journaling? Or maybe a better question is - do you let others read your honest entries?

I have chronic whiplash and some days are bad...let's just say it's not pretty.  On those days I can't do much of anything let alone sit at my art table and create.  When I try to create on one of these days - my negativity tends to come out and my journaling usually ends up as more of a bitch session than anything else.

I guess it's as real as it gets.

My journals are essentially open books - I let anyone and everyone read what they would like to.  I am basically quite a private person and anything involving another person I do disguise my writing after getting it out.  Some of my pages have my deep dark thoughts under layers of paint.  Going back months later to try to read them - I find I have forgotten what I've written!!  If that's not good therapy then I don't don't what is!!

A couple of weeks ago I woke with one of my horrible neck/headaches and all I wanted to do was sit at my table and create....this is what I created....

  Journaling is very new to me and I do struggle with pretty much all aspects of it. I would love to hear your thoughts on honesty in journaling....